30 Day Challenge: Best trip of your life (How I met my girlfriend)

In my second year of high school I got a chance to go to Japan for a short (three weeks) student exchange. The possibility to go to Japan was one of the two reasons for my high school choice. (The other reason was the music program.) Every year, two people were chosen for this short exchange in an all-girl high school in Osaka. I still kind of find it hard to believe I was picked. Luck was on my side, and the choice was mostly based on written applications. I tend to be much more convincing on paper than in person.

And that's how I met my girlfriend, Rita. It's been, what, almost ten years now.

It's kind of baffling to think that we probably never would've talked if we hadn't been the two people chosen for this trip. I knew of her, but I'm pretty bad at making friends spontaneously, and I wouldn't have had a reason to talk to her without this. According to me the first time we met was at the info for the Japan exchange, before we applied. We happened to sit close by and I started talking to her and we talked almost the entire half an hour about anime and Japanese culture. But it kind of doesn't count because afterwards she had no memory of talking to me. So, if we hadn't been chosen together we most likely never would've talked again.

She counts that the first time we met was after being chosen. I still remember that well too. I saw her friends circling her and congratulating her at school, in the lobby, just when I was getting a hot chocolate from the coffee machine. I knew those reactions couldn't be about anything else than the Japan exchange, since the e-mail about the choices was supposed to come that day. I hadn't had a chance to check my e-mail yet (Oh, the time before smartphones...), so I went to ask her who else was chosen. She tilted her head and looked at me with a ”Do I know you?” -look. Since then that expression has become all too familiar to me. Whenever she's caught off guard and doesn't get what's going on she has this same expression: Her whole face is a big frown and her mouth hangs open. But it seemed obvious even then that her brain was processing, so I waited. Then she concluded that the other name mentioned in the e-mail couldn't be anyone else's, and she pointed her finger at me.

I managed to find a picture from Japan where she has almost that exact expression except the frown is not as strong in this one.

She tells me I was funny, because I kind of tried to do a very slow pirouette to celebrate, without spilling my hot chocolate. And later she got kind of embarrassed about pointing at me, thinking it must have looked rude, but, excuse me, who cares, I'd just heard that we were going to Japan! One of my high school dreams was coming true!

I don't even know where to start with Japan, really. It may have been the best, but it was also the weirdest trip of my life. I had never been that far from home, so I guess the culture shock was to be expected. Everything about Japan made me feel like I had stepped into another world completely, even though the Japanese and the Finnish as a people are significantly similar in a lot of ways if you look past the initial culture shock.

Anyway, feeling out of place started the moment I got out of the plane.

The air. So. Humid. For a moment I thought it would bother me for the whole three weeks, it just felt so heavy to breathe. I had never felt like the air itself was difficult to breathe. But in the end I got used to it surprisingly fast.

But I suppose the most significant thing that made me feel so out of place there was that I'm used to blending in with the crowd. In Finland I've always been exactly medium height, medium blonde with medium length hair, not fashionable but not exactly quirky (maybe a little now that I'm older). I've never drawn much attention in Finland. But oh dear, Japan was a whole new ball game. I'm sure a lot of foreigners have had a similar experience in Japan, but, honestly it felt completely ridiculous. The same attributes that made me completely inconspicuous in Finland, made me the center of attention in Japan. And you would think that Japanese people are as reserved as Finns and understand personal space? As if... For some reason people there seemed to think it was completely fine to touch my blonde hair without asking, to stare into my blue eyes at almost a kissing distance and stare really obviously and without shame at my E-cups, just because they find these things exotic.

I think we could almost play another round of every anime fan's favourite game... "Spot the Main Character" with this picture. (I'm not even the only foreigner in it but I'm still the one to stick out first.)

And because it was an all-girl school, I essentially got to experience what it's like to be "the prince of the school". I'm not even kidding. Groups of girls would start screaming, actually truly screaming, when me and Rita walked past in the corridor. Sometimes someone wanted to give their e-mail to us or ask us to add them on Facebook or something and they would always blush so deeply and have a bunch of girls behind them cheering them on.

It was baffling to me. If this wasn't my fifteen minutes of fame, I don't know what is. And it was kind of a shock to me that Japanese girls actually did behave like the girls do in all the manga that I had read for a few years by then. I always assumed it was exaggerated, but really, it isn't, not significantly, anyway.

And some random guys on the streets were equally baffling. Once when I was just walking out of a train, minding my own business, a guy came behind me and almost jumped in front of me, like close, and yelled: "Konnichiwa!" at my face. And then he slowly walked away, looking at me the whole time with a manic smile on his face. He didn't even look where he was walking!

For some reason it was me who got the most attention out of the two of us, even though we're both blond and Rita is the loud one.

I didn't always appreciate how random strangers thought it was okay to be so rude (because I was an interesting foreigner?) but I really loved my host family and I'm pretty sure the feeling was mutual. They made sure I got to do everything I wanted to do there, they even took me out to eat sushi multiple times because they knew it was my favourite food, even though it's considered to be pretty festive food.

Don't I look happy. You won't find a sushi place in Finland where the sushi comes to your table on a conveyor. What.

I certainly had a lot of new experiences there and I have to admit a lot of the most memorable ones had to do with food, because I had been reading so much manga and seen so much Japanese food in them that I never had a chance to taste before. One of the coolest things was the school bakery. Me and Rita both fell in love with panda shaped buns that had chocolate inside them and some other chocolate bun too that was kind of like a cinnamon roll but bigger and just with a lot of chocolate instead of cinnamon. I'm still sad I can't get those anywhere. I loved everything I tasted in Japan from takoyaki to yakiniku.

We had a lot of time to bond with Rita because exchange students had their own hangout room in the school and for some of the time we were the only ones. We also didn't go to every class with our host sisters, just some, and then we had some cool ones separately, like tea ceremony and Ikebana. But we also had a lot of time to spend in the exchange student room alone, and I got to witness a lot of Rita's randomness during the first week that I knew her. She would do things like lie on a table on her stomach because she had eaten something that made her feel bloated. She would climb on a chair just to look at the room from a different perspective. From the start, she was a very entertaining person to observe. Once she completely shocked some poor truck driver who was looking at us curiously, and she just smiled widely and waved at him as if they were best friends.

I was initially a little sad that we weren't expected to participate in everything. Like when we had an overnight camp with our host sisters' class we were not expected to make food with everyone or attend all of the activities. But, I must admit it was nice that we were also scheduled to bathe separately, because we had so much room, though it seems a little unfair. We got the whole bathroom for just the two of us, and we got to bathe first too. Even though we weren't exactly treated like everyone else, which would've been nice in a way, it was also nice to have a lot of time to bond with my new friend. She was interesting to me from the start, because she was so free and easy in a way. I was used to people opening up to me, but she took it a step further, like asking me to massage her and braid her hair and lie beside her in her bed before we went to sleep, even though we had really known each other for just days. She was also kind of brutal. Like, when we took that bath she took a long good look at me and said: "Well, you're exactly like a hentai girl with your boobs and your mellow personality." Haha... But for some odd reason I didn't mind any of it at all. I just found her personality very curious.

I had some troubles in Japan too. Like the fact that it took 1,5 hours to get to school from my host family's house and it took three trains and two buses and some walking on top of all that. And it's not really the time or the long way but the fact that there are so many people everywhere. I am not used to such crowds and it drained me of energy completely. Sometimes I was so tired I fell asleep right after coming home from school.

Language was another issue, since I don't really speak Japanese. I took one course in high school but it's nothing really. I probably picked more up from anime than that course. And the level of English of Japanese high school kids it pretty much the level of my Swedish. (Bad, even though I studied it from seventh grade.) Our host sisters went to a special English class so they were better than average and communicating with them was fine, but I always needed my host sister to translate to her parents and some teachers too.

Certainly there were some cultural differences that were not easy to pick up on or understand. The thing we were the most bewildered by was that pretty much no one in our host sisters' class actually liked manga or anime, but instead they loved things like High School Musical, Hannah Montana and Justin Bieber completely unironically. In Finland no one older than maybe 13 would. (Or if they did most people wouldn't admit it.) And as the weeks went by it became clear that this might be a part of a bigger phenomenon. It seemed to us that the Japanese kids our age were treated in a way that seemed younger than they were, from our perspective. Maybe it's a part of the communal culture in Japan. Students were made to do things like walk in pairs during a field trip (something that would never happen in Finland after elementary school). Everything about their life in and outside of school seemed so scheduled to us. I think kids tend to have a much longer leash, so to speak, in Finland when they are much younger. It seemed to us like Japanese kids were mostly taught to obey and not ask questions. While in Finland I think that kids generally would assume they have a right to know why some things need to be done a certain way, and if they're given a good reason they're happy to do it, but they would feel a need to know why. I'm speaking very generally of course, but that's the feeling I got in Japan: Asking "why" didn't seem like a cool thing to do.

I think what I liked about the people there the most was that I was not expected to be outspoken or talkative. I realize that it probably comes from a place that has many problematic aspects as well, but, people tend to assume that Finland is a country of introverts, and while that may be true in large scale, any day in Finland is still always a draining experience for me socially. I feel like I have to use every last bit of my tiny storage of extroverted energy just to get by. I didn't feel like this in Japan very much. I had other issues, like crowds and attention that drained my energy too, but I didn't feel like I needed to pretend to be more extroverted than I was, very much. All I needed to do was half smile and nod and people loved me for it. Writing it out makes me feel a little icky about it now, because it makes me think of all the ways in which that is problematic, but back then I was just happy because it made my life easier.

Here's another thing that Japanese people can do unironically which is actually really cool. They had beauty contests at school where boys dressed as girls, and they were very convincing. Almost none of them were over the top, they just all looked really good in skirts and wigs and put serious effort into it. In my middle school some boys dressed as Spice Girls one time but they didn't even try to do it well, it was all a big joke. I appreciated that this kind of thing in a high school festival could be not-a-joke. The picture is from our host sisters' friend's school were we went to see the cultural festival.

My main take away from the whole trip was my new friend, though. Of course, we got to know a little of each other before the trip began but essentially we got to know each other in Japan. I guess someone could say our friendship began in a "misattribution of attraction" sort of way since people say it's common to find another person interesting if you go through an adventure with them. But I think the ten years of ever deepening bond that all happened after those three weeks speaks louder. And still, without Japan, we probably never would've gotten to know each other, because neither of us was the kind of person that the other would've instinctively wanted to make friends with at first glance. So this is one of those situations where one distinct detail actually has the power to change your life. There was no way we would've found each other if we weren't chosen together for this escape from our normal reality. Sometimes it's only in extreme circumstances that you can really see someone, and that's definitely what happened to us.

We look like such awkward nerds.

We thought it was because of the time we spent away from our usual circles together that made our relationship difficult for other people to grasp from the start. But it was probably more than that. People didn't seem to be sure how to categorize our relationship and neither did we, for a long time. Maybe it's because we grew into what we are now, so slowly but so steadily that most people started assuming were we a couple before we did.

30 Day Challenge: What's in your bag?

Huh. I picked a challenge with this question in it? I've always found it so boring. :D


Oh well. Let's get this over with. Here's my bag. (The one I use the most, anyway.)

And there's nothing extraordinary in there:

• a book

Obviously, I carry what I'm reading everywhere.

• a notebook/sketch book

 Usually a skecth book, actually. Not this.

• a pencil case

 With the school badges from my Japan exchange.

• tissues

• a wallet

• an umbrella

• keys

• "reading gloves"

Your palms get red marks from reading too heavy books for too long. These help.



Wow what an idle post.


My school bag and ballet bag are different stories of course. (Then again, not so much.)

30 Day Challenge: 5 current goals

Okay, let's get the obvious one out of the way first:

1. To get a book published

Of course I'd prefer it to happen rather sooner than later. But I also try to be down to earth about it. It's more important that I write what's important to me, and spend as much time writing and editing it as I feel I need. I don't want to rush because I might just be at my biggest growth spurt as a writer right now. There's a dramatic difference in skill with the beginning and ending of the last novel I completed. It's like they were written by a different person, or at least years apart, not months. I know my stuff isn't ready yet, but I'm getting so much better all the time, so I hope that soon something is ready, that I am ready.

At the moment I'm writing for a contemporary YA novel competition (not my usual thing) and I only have three months to complete the novel that is still in the beginning, since my summer job has kept me so busy, so I guess that's a goal in itself, but let it be inside this bigger goal, since its just one way I'm trying to achieve this.

After that, I have my fantasy series to complete, which is still probably going to take me more than a couple of years, since it was only half way through and then I started writing the first book all the way from the beginning again...

2. To improve my drawing/Strenghten my style

I've only recently realized how much I've been trying to draw ”by the book” all these years. How much I've been trying to do the same as those who are actually good at it. But it has struck me: Why would I try to draw like people who don't draw for the same reasons or aren't about expressing the same things I want to express? I'm bad with anatomy. So what? I don't even want to draw realistically, so that shouldn't be my main concern. I'm good with faces, expressions, colours and contrast. And those are enough to express what I actually want to: feelings and atmosphere. It doesn't mean I don't need to get better at anatomy. It just means I should approach it in favour of the things that are more important to me, on their terms, to strengthen them.

I don't want to draw a mountain so that you can see in detail exactly what this particular mountain looks like. I want to draw so that I can make you believe there is a mountain there, and that it's there for a reason.

Not so good, no.

That's going in the right direction.

3. To improve my flexibility

This is probably my weakest area in ballet. Well, not in every single place, it seems my sides are more flexible than average and my attitudes and arabesques aren't half bad, so I guess my back isn't that stiff either. But I can't do a spagat, and I've never been able to lift my leg all the way up along my side with my hand on my heel. I guess I haven't really had to worry about it enough before, in class it's been enough to just do everything to the extend you can. But in our last performance we did can-can and we were supposed to end it in a spagat. There was only one other person besides me, who had to cheat, hiding the other leg under the big can-can skirt, since we couldn't get it straight.

This was the can-can skirt.

So, I'm trying to make it a habit to stretch my legs everytime I'm reading or watching something. So far, it's really hard. I might have to ask for someone's advice... so far I've only heard ”Just stretch untill it stops hurting” but the problems is, it doesn't. It just gets more painful. Either I'm doing something wrong, or the problem is that I've only been asking people who are naturally flexible.

My heels are my true achilles' heels, as well. (Heh heh, not so funny... I'm sorry, I couldn't help that.) They're just naturally stiffer than those of most non-dancers I know. Yeah... sad. I'm always worried that someday, they'll just snap. I'm trying to do something about them as well, since it makes me cheat in pirouettes, which is a shame, since otherwise, those are basically my only strong suit.

4. To finally start typing fictional characters on my personality blog

I type all the time. If I haven't typed someone I've read/watched it's because a) They're really hard for me to type and it's an on-going process or b) they aren't realistic enough to type which probably also means they weren't very interesting as a character.

But for some reason when it comes to actually writing about those typings, I keep putting it off. I guess I want to be exactly 112% sure of their MBTI, enneagram tritype, wing, and instinctual variants before writing anything.

But I want to do this because 1) It's just so interesting, plain and simple. 2) It's a good field for discussion, since when you're talking about real people, you can only really do it with someone who knows the person as well as you. Fictional characters can have so wide audiences. Sure, you can discuss celebrities too, but 3) you can get the thought processes of a character from the fictional work way easier than you can get real people's thought processes, and that's why, when it comes to the theory, I find fictional characters a better learning tool than real people. (Of course, I always recommend watching real people for practical learning, but the theory is just as important and the fictional characters are ideal for that.)

5. Finish my degree work

Yeah, the most boring goal. Okay, it's not like I'm not interested in my subject, of course I chose something that overlaps with literature, so I have an excuse to read more fiction: The images of God in self-published Christian fiction. That's my subject. I've read my material and I know approximately what's going to be in every chapter, and I think I've found some interesting spectrums and dichotomies in the way the concept of God is formed and used in these stories.

But you know, writing fiction and blogging about personality theories is just so much more interesting than actually doing the work: the academic writing. (Sorry I'm going to go Jungian here:) It's. So. Extraverted Thinking. It's always the same thing for me as an Ni-Ti looper: I don't actually do the work the way I have to present it. The Te part of the work is the last part I do. I fake it every single time, I've done that since middle school porfolios, since you're expected to reach your conclusion in a certain step by step manner. But I can't do that. I get to the conclusions first, I come to them in a complicated web of relationships of cause and effect, and then I have to go back and figure out how exactly I would've have gotten there, if I was using Te. And it's tedious.

But, my goal is to be done by Christmas. Unlike fiction, I write school papers the best in the morning, when I've specifically woken up to do them. So I'll have to welcome early mornings once summer's done.

This is the book that made me want to research Christian fiction. Check it out!

So, that's my five. Hope I didn't forget something important. I'm tired.

30 Day Challenge: Your five favourite songs

Huh. I've never liked answering these questions since I've never had anything like a favourite song of all time, so... I guess I just have to pick five songs I like listening the most at the moment.


This one has such a good energy:

This one is a guaranteed cry:

This is just so hopeful and beautiful:

This is the most perfect song for one of my characters I've come accross yet:

And hearing this song pretty much raised one character of mine from the dead:

I don't have much more to say about them, so this is it.

30 Day Challenge: What are you afraid of?

Well, lots of things.

But I only have one real phobia.

Bees. And there's no way I'm going to cheer this post up with pictures of them. I don't know exactly why I'm so afraid of them. I've never been stung by one and there's no incident related to them that could've made me fear them. In all the memories I have of them, I was already scared.

I remember my mom trying to make me get over my fear by walking me through our big yard, that was full of clovers (= full of bees), on a bright summer day. I must have been five or six. She held my hand so tighlty I couldn't get away so I closed my eyes and cried while being dragged through the yard. And probably refused to go outside at all for the rest of the day. That incident only made me more afraid of bees. I know my mom had good intentions but it really didn't work.

Another memory that increased my fear didn't even happen to me. I was playing basketball with my siblings in front of our house. (If you've read my ”20 questions” post you know that I don't like basketball very much but what wouldn't I do for my siblings?) My sister was wearing a bright yellow shirt and once she started sweating a lot, the bees were drawn to her. None of us saw any of them, she just suddenly cried, fell on her knees, and threw the shirt over her head. Her back, and the shirt, were full of bees (I don't remember how many) and she was in a lot of pain, but guess who was the one who refused to go outside for the rest of the day? Yep, not her.

Okay, I really really don't want to spend much more time reminiscing about bees, even though I've began to tolerate them a little bit better in the recent years. I don't really leave myself out of anything because of bees... but things like, walking a street where there are rose bushes on both sides, are still a hell for me. Hearing the bees all around me makes cold sweat run all over me and when one passes me by, I just freeze. And don't move untill I'm sure it's gone.

There was one time last month I did pretty well though. A bee sat on my shoulder when I was outside with a camp full of teens. I guess it doesn't happen too often since I can't remember the last time? Even less that it wanted to stay there. Okay, it was horrible, absolutely horrible, I could hear it stretch its wings beside my ear and every moment I was more and more sure I couldn't stay still a second longer, but, well, there's never anyhing else I can do, so I did. And evetually it went away. And after it was gone, I was kind of glad it had happened and I'd survived it. Not that I want it to happen again. Absolutely not.

Other than that, I'm just pretty much afraid on anything your common cautious, worried person is afraid of. Accidents, diseases, natural catastrophies, wars... you name it. It makes me uneasy to sit in a table with candles close to me. I only go on a motorcycle if my (ESTP 6) brother is driving. I always triple check keys, pin codes, e-mail addresses, numbers and stuff.

So things like that.

30 Day Challenge: Your proudest moment

I'm pretty sure I forgot about continuing this challenge because I couldn't answer this question at the time. (Not that I'm any wiser about it now.) Anyway, let's forget about that silly idea about answering in comics since it feels forced now. I have another challenge to do already but maybe I should just get rid of this one at the same time and make both a weekly thing for a while. :D

Ahem. Who can honestly decide their proudest moment? Maybe some people can. I certainly can't. This reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend some years ago. She had a random question for me: Three things about myself that I'm the proudest of. I had no idea what to answer. She had her answer ready and seemed so sure about it. But to me, this clearly isn't something I've thought a lot about. Maybe never, really. When I tried to answer it in this challenge the last time, I ran into a wall because I realized that most of the things that came to my mind were about other people, not me.

I guess that's just how I am? Of course I'm thrilled when I succeed, but I feel more lucky than proud. When the people close to me do, I'm thrilled and proud.

So, I figured that the moments I actually remember feeling proud for myself as well, is when I've achived something with other people. I still don't have just one moment in mind, but in general. I can recall that most of my fondest memories from school and hobbies are things like these.

So how about I reminisce for a while and see what comes up.

The moment after a dance concert when everyone stands together on stage.

This never stops being magical to me. No matter how hard it was, how much extra work appeared out of nowhere, how many mistakes happened, how much people yelled or fought, at this point none of it matters. At least it seems to me that it matters next to nobody. Everyone is exhausted and happy.

This is especially true of folk dance. No matter how much ballet means to me, it's still folk dance that takes the unity of the dancers to another level. It's especially amazing at big, international dance concerts. Sometimes it really feels like the more people there are, the more connected everyone is, which sounds like such a challenge. These events have never left me cold, whether I'm on stage or in the audience, I just feel so proud of everyone involved.

Almost any school project with the whole class involved.

My class from elementary school to middle school was known for good team spirit. It's pretty easy to see where that initially came from. We were the music class, so we had a hobby in common and we always had some performance to work on. (I think it was pretty much the same with the music classes in other grades too.) Our class definitely had its cliques but everything we did together we really did together, and it was always so much fun.

Most of it was about music of course. Be it a concert, a CD project, or a camp, all of it is a special memory to me. And that's because we never did just what we were supposed to. Our class was always ready to do more by ourselves, we came up with plays, dance performances, even cheerleading, and found ways to include it at school. If one person knew what to do, they could get the majority of our class to do it too. I was so proud of every project, because I always got to feel that we gave it our all.

The moment after a big successful family party, when everyone sighs for relief.

Parties are a big thing in my family. The preparations are always such a hassle, a massive amount of work, usually a lot of yelling, stomping, slamming doors, and tears. The parties are mostly my mother's thing, she has a vision, knows how everything should be. The rest of us often don't, but we try our best.

It's pretty safe to say the parties always turn out great in the end. But I think it's even better when the guests have left, and for a moment everyone is really satisfied that the work is over, and that it was worth it. At that moment everyone shares the feeling, everyone has the same look in their eyes: everyone thanks each other for the hard work. Every difference is put behind for a moment, and I'm really proud of my family.

Being able to hold the concrete results of a massive amount of work with someone.

I really mean this in a literal sense.

Like every time I filed new pages of the exchange comic I drew with my friend. To see it grow. To feel the weight of the years we'd drawn it.

To print a collaboration story, see it ”come alive” from the printer, page by page.

To read any portfolio of a group project, to see every string drawn together in that form.

Putting together a scrap book for a group, seeing memories from all the years together.

When everyone is enjoying a group project and contributing to it from their heart.

I guess this is what gives me one of the highest highs in general. And totally overlaps with everything I said already. But these moments I get to stop for a moment and just look at the people involved, and see that they're totally unselfconscious, because they're having so much fun and putting all their energy into what everyone is doing.

My high school theater dioloma project Case Casanova is one of my clearest and most treasured memories of this. We had such a great group.

Silly stuff I do with friends.

I actually do feel proud about silly accomplishments with friends. Like marathoning a series we love, or playing a successful (friendly) prank on someone.

And these are the ones I have nothing to do with, but I'll mention them since they keep coming to my mind:

When someone does something ”I always knew they could”. I think I can say I understand people's strong and weak points well, so I easily feel proud for them, because I often have more than a general understanding of what they needed to overcome, and what needed to click just right.

When awards go to the right people. This is totally subjective of course. Sometimes I feel like it's so great when someone is recognized for their pure talent, and then other times I'm so happy when someone's hard work is recognized, or when someone who can create a really good atmosphere gets the spotlight. It depends on the circumstances. I guess this is relevant to me because in some places only certain kind of efforts get recognition, and then it's always the same people.

When friends who fight or disagree a lot defend each other. This always warms me up so much. When people who never seem to see things the same way, or even seem to be having that great time together, are ready to put themselves on the line for each other.

When someone faces what they fear. Looks like this is related to the first one. But there's sort of a different drive in facing what you fear. I usually have a good idea about how scared someone really is, so in the moments they overcome it, all I see in them is power, and I can't help but admire it.

When things ”click” and someone realizes something about themselves. Or admits something. That's growth, and I'm a fan of growth.

When someone uses their priviledge to help someone else. Self-neglecting doesn't impress me, I'm all too familiar with how much that actually helps anyone. Nothing grows from it, but this is different. This doesn't make anyone smaller. When people realize there's a constructive way to help others, I'm overjoyed.

This is my best attempt at trying to answer this question. : P

WHY I WRITE

Well Holy Horcrux, this answer could be really short:

I can't not write kaythxbai.

Or obviously, really long. And since the topic came up from two different sources I'm going to contribute to both, 30 Day Challenge: YOUR DREAM JOB and a Flash Fiction Challenge: WHY I WRITE.

...because I'm a person highly averse to violence, danger and conflict and I very much like to prevent other people from engaging in them too. So if I decided, these characters' lives would basically be just a ridiculously happy-go-lucky family comedy or something.

Anyway, if your head fills and fills with characters and their stories, and you never put those things out, you know what happens? That's right, you go insane. Because the old things will keep replaying and the new stuff will keep coming.

Once I write the stories down, they become solid and my head will stop processing them.

(Of course I will have to process them again when I edit, but that's a completely different thing, because it's a conscious evaluation process.)

Writing eases the noise in my uncontrollably active mind, grants me some time and energy to function like a normal human being again, and everyone is happy. Yay!

So, rather than something I do, writing seems to be something that happens to me. But while I may be somewhat passive by nature, luckily, I'm not passive enough to not take advantage of something that happens naturally, and try to make it into something great, valuable, a life purpose even.

That's why I also have other motivators to write. First of all, I can't just watch people and not care. Whatever their story is, how their mind works, what makes them tick, nothing interests me more while I'm faced with them. I want to understand them and help them understand themselves to be able to solve their problems. And I don't doubt that the fictional people living in my head reflect the people and problems I've faced. However, they do not do it directly. They're more like a side effect of the developement of my theory of mind, an unconscious construct of the knowledge I gather.

That being said, I realise how stupid it sounds to call my stories ”a side effect” since they're easily a priority to me. But I only mean that in the sense that while I think of writing as something I was ”born to do”, real people are the source of my inspiration and the only thing that ultimately can give my writing any value. Ideally, they will affect my writing and my writing will affect them.

Which brings me to another reason why I write. I enjoy reading immensely. And naturally it was because of other people's books that I realised there was no other profession in the world I'd want to do rather than be an author.

I think reading is just a really great hobby in so many ways, but what I appreaciate the most about it is when it makes people both, feel understood and understand other people better. Ultimately, for me, reading is entertainment but that surely doesn't mean it's not useful outside itself. And no feeling compares to being able to give that entertainment to others. I'm not a published author yet, so the circle of people who have read my stories is small, but I'm pretty sure that without the experience of them enjoying it, my stories would never go beyond first drafts.

So yeah, while I think I write because I can't not, and I write what interests me, making no compromises, I also think that my writing wouldn't have any meaning if it wasn't about other people and for other people as much as it is for me.

Like reading, writing is also plain fun. While the stories just come to me and while there are kinda sorta humane idealistic motivations(=excuses) to pursuing a writing career, the craft itself gives me a sense of creativity and freedom no other medium does. (Drawing comes close, but I don't think I'm as good at it, so...) I may not feel like I'm in control of what I write but I very much feel I am in control of how I write it and I enjoy that feeling.

I decide which qualities and details I bring out in the characters, places and scenes. I recreate the atmosphere, I balance out my vision. It's bound to be different than what I actually saw in my head but that doesn't bother me in the slightest because that's how I control the contrasts of the story. It's up to me whether the story is supposed to come to the reader in HD screen, or like a distant memory, or something you're hearing from a friend. I think there's a place for any variation and I want to get better at writing to bring out the best in the stories that fill my head.

So, I also write because of that. Because the actual deciding which words to put on the paper/screen is fun and it makes me feel present in the story, like I'm interacting with my characters. (Especially when I write in my preferred viewpoint, omniscient.)

Those are probably the main reasons why I write, and want to be a published author...

So yeah, I don't really have anything cheesy to check out with. :D

30 Day Challenge: Favourite Quotes

DAY 3 - FAVOURITE QUOTE


Do people actually know their favourite quotes? I mean, can you decide on just one? Because it's seriously hard for me. I've never thought about which one actually is THE best.

So, I'll share a few.


The quote I possibly feel the most nostalgic about:

The quote I probably use the most:

And the two writing quotes I couldn't choose from:

That's it for this one. :)

30 Day Challenge 2: 20 random questions

 DAY 2 – 20 FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF

I was too lazy to come up with 20 facts myself so I picked these questions pretty randomly from somewhere. Some are rather boring, some hopefully not as much.

1. Height?

2. Hair/Eye colour?

 

3. Do you dance crazy when no one is looking?

4. Do you like to sing in the shower?

 

5. Whats your favorite colour?

6. Favourite hair product?

 

7. Would you rather play basketball or hockey?

8. What's your favorite midnight snack?

 

9. What is the one, single food that you would never give up?

 

10. What is your weirdest "quirk"?

 

11. What's your favorite movie?

 

Always. Well, ever since I first saw it when I was 9.

12. What do you think is the most useless class in high school?

Well, I don't actually think any of them are... but maybe philosophy.

Because there seemed to be basically three kinds of students:

1. Actually interested, but all the theory is already pretty obvious to them so just getting booored.
2. Almost as bored because doesn't even care to understand anything.
3. Totally psyched about their sudden new ability to question EVERYTHING and they do, oh, just because they CAN. (But that's all they ever learn and in their case it probably would've been better if they hadn't...)

13. Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap?

Whatever way it happens to go.

 

14. Do you scream on roller coasters?

No. I laugh sometimes.

 

15. Where did you go on your first airplane ride?

Actually, I came back from Sweden.

 

16. What's your favourite season?

 

17. T.V. show you secretly enjoy?

 

18. Last thing you bought?

 

Gee, a book! You never would've guessed right?

19. One of your stuffed animals' names as a kid?

 

Meet my Neverlan- uh, I mean, my book shelf.

(And yes, those are Harry and Hermione dolls.)

 

20. The last song played?

Well, that was surprisingly fun. :D For me at least.

And my lack of scanner looks as great as ever.

8D