Showing posts with label theology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label theology. Show all posts

Wednesday, 8 May 2019

Stress


People have always told me I'm SO calm. Calm, calm, calm....  Peaceful, relaxed, never look like I'm nervous. That I come off as confident, at ease, that I know what I'm doing.

Even when I'm doing something that does actually make me a little nervous, like giving a speech.




For the most part, I agree, anyway. My emotions tend to be slow-moving, and my basic mood is happy, peaceful and content. I don't generally experience much fluctuation in my mood during the day. (This does mean, however, that once I do get upset, I stay that way for a long time.)

In the recent years it hasn't been so natural to feel at peace all the time anymore, though. A lot of things have increased my stress levels:


  • realizing I didn't want to do any of the most obvious jobs for my degree, and that it would be difficult to find a job with it
  • still trying out one of those jobs while writing my master's degree and being worn out from it
  • then finishing my degree and seeing that the reality really is that it's almost impossible to find meaningful work, since I'm either not qualified, or overeducated
  • overworking myself as a mail carrier, for the money and to see what it would be like to have a full time job while still trying to maintain my almost daily ballet classes, my fiction writing and other hobbies and friendships
  • quitting after four months due to physical burn out (I mean I was practically exercising 8-9 hours a day! Who does that except athletes!?)

The worst is definitely behind me by now, though.

Before graduation I had always had very socially oriented jobs. Especially at my last one I was organizing events and leading groups all the time. After the day I would always find myself so mentally exhausted that I didn't have energy to do my creative work anymore, I just wanted to lie down and do nothing. I should've known sooner that I'm too introverted for that kind of jobs.

After graduation I had this idea that I would have to have both solitary, and practical, ideally physical job to balance out writing, drawing and my other creative "brain work". That way I wouldn't run out of mental energy anymore! Well, obviously it wasn't the case. Sure, I didn't run out of mental energy, so it seemed to work fine at first. But in the end, I ran out of physical energy, and the result was the same. I was too exhausted to function properly after two months. My body simply didn't have enough time to recover, when my ballet class ended at 9 PM and I'd have to get up 5 AM for more physical labor. 

In the end I wasn't able to do anything more than the most basic things to keep my daily life going.

However, during that time I noticed I really didn't need to save my "brain work" for just creative stuff. I still had a craving to study all the time. I noticed I was filling the gap that graduating had left by reading a lot more non-fiction than I'm used to, and watching a lot of religion related Youtube channels with a "scientist's" mindset. Even though I thought I had left it behind and didn't want to study religions anymore. Turns out I do! People's thought processes are just way too fascinating for me. They beg for analysis.

And after I left for a sick leave from my mail carrying job, due to exhaustion, I just suddenly had this idea that I wanted to do research and go for a PhD. All the stress that had been building up for a few years now, seemed to fly out of the window then. I was so excited. I put together a vague research plan in a few days and sent it to a professor, who thought the topic was good and I should continue with it. So, now, a few weeks later I have applied for an early-stage researcher's position. I don't expect to get it, since I came up with this plan so close to the deadline, but I have a few alternative ways to go with this, so at some point in the next year, I will definitely be able to really get this going.

I think that research could be a perfect profession for me in the long run. It could be introverted enough. I could still handle some teaching. Obviously I haven't given up on my dream of writing fiction full time. But right now I want to see were this route might take me, as well.

If it released me from years of slowly building stress in a day, it's got to be worth a shot.



Thursday, 1 September 2016

This is going to be random





Here's a thing:

I should blog more about random things that are on my mind. (Or write my diary I guess?) Because if I don't write them, I'm never going to process them out loud either.

I used to have this dumb notion that I should only blog once I have something important and universal to say. (I had to let go of that thought to even start a blog, otherwise nothing was ever going to be important enough.)

Besides what's the point? Most people who read my blog are my friends anyway.

And the reason I don't blog that much is mostly that I think about what I say too much. (Which doesn't necessarily equal quality.)

But right know the thing is that I'm so busy I'm not going to be able to blog at all if I think too much about what I say. I have possibly the busiest period ever in my school life going on right now.

I think I have to learn to get my thoughts out without being too critical about them. I mean, it should be okay if it doesn't always make sense. It's better to say something incoherent and reflect, and learn from it, than not say anything at all because every thought has to be "finished".

There are definitely a few things that keep coming back to haunt my mind even during these busy days, because I haven't really chewed on them by writing about them. That's how you can always see things in a new light afterall!

Good blogs are probably the ones that can get something general and relatable out of personal experiences, but right now I think I wouldn't mind not having that kind of standards for this blog. (I can try to do that with my typology blog if I want.) And even personal ramblings can be relatable, and I think they have their own value.

I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this post, which feels oddly refreshing already. :D

I feel like overviewing some of the things I have in my mind but never put anywhere.


1. Books and other fiction in general

Have some bad cosplay I'm doing of my own character reading here!


I haven't had time to write proper reviews! And it makes me restless when I don't. I feel like there's a stack of books and series just waiting and waiting and getting heavier in the back of my head because I haven't gone through my love or hate or indifference for them, in a really satisfying way. I need to break them into pieces to let them settle to their rightful place in my mind.





2. My summer jobs

I had two this summer, and I definitely haven't gone through such a multifaceted work experience like... ever? At least not in a period of two months! I did talk about a couple of things that happened there with some friends, but my life has been so busy, I feel like I haven't really been able to digest it all. It's weird, because I kind of went through the highest highs and the lowest lows in my personality during these months... and they're all things I knew about myself but these jobs made me reinforce my understanding of them. I guess many of my problems and strenghts haven't been so... in my face? Not for some time. There's still stuff to think about there. (And it would be good now that I'm about to start an internship.)


3. The big career choice questions

Am I too liberal to work in a parish? Is the fact that I can talk about the matters of faith in "lutheran language", enough to actually call myself lutheran, when I could also talk about them in pretty much any "religious language" (and non-religious as well), and I only feel most at home with the lutheran one, because it's one of the "loosest languages"? Is the fact that I could definitely be understood as an atheist, a monotheist and a pantheist, or pretty much anything else, simultaneously, depending on your understanding and use of the terms, too impractical for a priest? I'm very content in my worldview but am I content in this environment? Is this the right place to do what I want to do, to help people? I guess this school year, and the internship, will answer that question. I hope.



4. Typing

I've said this before, and this relates to my other blog, but I need to start writing my fictional character typings. It's no good to just analyze them in my head, and since I'm going to do that anyway I should at least start getting some of them out of there. To stop thinking I need to be able write my reasoning perfectly. The whole thing about typing characters is to learn more about the theory. To make the understanding of it more accurate and articulate.


5. Kuroko no basket

Yeah, really. I didn't want to admit it, but this series has had more impact on me than any other since Harry freaking Potter. And the reason I didn't want to admit it, is because it hits a little too close to home. I've never related to a fictional character as much. (For the record: No, it has nothing to do with basketball. It has to do with... everything else. Everything that can be applied elsewhere, if that makes sense.) The thing is, until now I don't think I've ever been so aware if I relate to a character or not, because it never seemed relevant to me. It's not my comfort area to know that. I like to empathize with characters, not sympathize. I don't generally like the feeling that I'm seeing myself in there. So I have a love-hate relationship with this series. Something brings back painful memories? Easy, right: Don't watch/read it. But when I think that, I realize it's also surprisingly satisfying to feel understood. So... apparently there's still a dilemma there I need to work on.

It really was something like this at first.


6. Daily thoughts

I often find myself thinking there's some general phenomenon I'd like to write about when stuff happens during the day that relates to something like that, but then I never write about it. I forget, or there's too much going on, or I, AGAIN, feel like the thought isn't finished enough. My little inner perfectionist needs a kick or something.


7. HSP

I read Elaine Aron's book on the Highly Sensitive Person and related immensely, but, again, I feel like I haven't really had time to process this subject either (other than crying every other page and recommending it to other sensitive people). I have to have time to analyze this whole thing to pieces so I can really benefit from it.



Okay... this was really random. And really personal. I'm not saying I will blog about any of these things, but I do promise myself to write all my thoughts about them out in my diary at least.

Maybe it's not so bad to write something so personal though. Because I would really like to read things on similar level from other people's blogs!



Thursday, 28 July 2016

30 Day Challenge: 5 current goals


Okay, let's get the obvious one out of the way first:

1. To get a book published
Of course I'd prefer it to happen rather sooner than later. But I also try to be down to earth about it. It's more important that I write what's important to me, and spend as much time writing and editing it as I feel I need. I don't want to rush because I might just be at my biggest growth spurt as a writer right now. There's a dramatic difference in skill with the beginning and ending of the last novel I completed. It's like they were written by a different person, or at least years apart, not months. I know my stuff isn't ready yet, but I'm getting so much better all the time, so I hope that soon something is ready, that I am ready.

At the moment I'm writing for a contemporary YA novel competition (not my usual thing) and I only have three months to complete the novel that is still in the beginning, since my summer job has kept me so busy, so I guess that's a goal in itself, but let it be inside this bigger goal, since its just one way I'm trying to achieve this.

After that, I have my fantasy series to complete, which is still probably going to take me more than a couple of years, since it was only half way through and then I started writing the first book all the way from the beginning again...


2. To improve my drawing/Strenghten my style
I've only recently realized how much I've been trying to draw ”by the book” all these years. How much I've been trying to do the same as those who are actually good at it. But it has struck me: Why would I try to draw like people who don't draw for the same reasons or aren't about expressing the same things I want to express? I'm bad with anatomy. So what? I don't even want to draw realistically, so that shouldn't be my main concern. I'm good with faces, expressions, colours and contrast. And those are enough to express what I actually want to: feelings and atmosphere. It doesn't mean I don't need to get better at anatomy. It just means I should approach it in favour of the things that are more important to me, on their terms, to strengthen them.

I don't want to draw a mountain so that you can see in detail exactly what this particular mountain looks like. I want to draw so that I can make you believe there is a mountain there, and that it's there for a reason.


Not so good, no.


That's going in the right direction.


3. To improve my flexibility
This is probably my weakest area in ballet. Well, not in every single place, it seems my sides are more flexible than average and my attitudes and arabesques aren't half bad, so I guess my back isn't that stiff either. But I can't do a spagat, and I've never been able to lift my leg all the way up along my side with my hand on my heel. I guess I haven't really had to worry about it enough before, in class it's been enough to just do everything to the extend you can. But in our last performance we did can-can and we were supposed to end it in a spagat. There was only one other person besides me, who had to cheat, hiding the other leg under the big can-can skirt, since we couldn't get it straight.


This was the can-can skirt.

So, I'm trying to make it a habit to stretch my legs everytime I'm reading or watching something. So far, it's really hard. I might have to ask for someone's advice... so far I've only heard ”Just stretch untill it stops hurting” but the problems is, it doesn't. It just gets more painful. Either I'm doing something wrong, or the problem is that I've only been asking people who are naturally flexible.

My heels are my true achilles' heels, as well. (Heh heh, not so funny... I'm sorry, I couldn't help that.) They're just naturally stiffer than those of most non-dancers I know. Yeah... sad. I'm always worried that someday, they'll just snap. I'm trying to do something about them as well, since it makes me cheat in pirouettes, which is a shame, since otherwise, those are basically my only strong suit.


4. To finally start typing fictional characters on my personality blog
I type all the time. If I haven't typed someone I've read/watched it's because a) They're really hard for me to type and it's an on-going process or b) they aren't realistic enough to type which probably also means they weren't very interesting as a character.

But for some reason when it comes to actually writing about those typings, I keep putting it off. I guess I want to be exactly 112% sure of their MBTI, enneagram tritype, wing, and instinctual variants before writing anything.

But I want to do this because 1) It's just so interesting, plain and simple. 2) It's a good field for discussion, since when you're talking about real people, you can only really do it with someone who knows the person as well as you. Fictional characters can have so wide audiences. Sure, you can discuss celebrities too, but 3) you can get the thought processes of a character from the fictional work way easier than you can get real people's thought processes, and that's why, when it comes to the theory, I find fictional characters a better learning tool than real people. (Of course, I always recommend watching real people for practical learning, but the theory is just as important and the fictional characters are ideal for that.)


5. Finish my degree work
Yeah, the most boring goal. Okay, it's not like I'm not interested in my subject, of course I chose something that overlaps with literature, so I have an excuse to read more fiction: The images of God in self-published Christian fiction. That's my subject. I've read my material and I know approximately what's going to be in every chapter, and I think I've found some interesting spectrums and dichotomies in the way the concept of God is formed and used in these stories.

But you know, writing fiction and blogging about personality theories is just so much more interesting than actually doing the work: the academic writing. (Sorry I'm going to go Jungian here:) It's. So. Extraverted Thinking. It's always the same thing for me as an Ni-Ti looper: I don't actually do the work the way I have to present it. The Te part of the work is the last part I do. I fake it every single time, I've done that since middle school porfolios, since you're expected to reach your conclusion in a certain step by step manner. But I can't do that. I get to the conclusions first, I come to them in a complicated web of relationships of cause and effect, and then I have to go back and figure out how exactly I would've have gotten there, if I was using Te. And it's tedious.

But, my goal is to be done by Christmas. Unlike fiction, I write school papers the best in the morning, when I've specifically woken up to do them. So I'll have to welcome early mornings once summer's done.

This is the book that made me want to research Christian fiction. Check it out!



So, that's my five. Hope I didn't forget something important. I'm tired.


Wednesday, 2 March 2016

RANT: Theology is not studying God!


Shocking, isn't it? I mean sure, there must be some fault in me for having too high expectations when I started studying theology but still. It SHOCKS me, how many people can't tell the difference between things you can and cannot study scientifically, and which discussions belong to a university and which don't.

You can't study God. You can't do research on God. It is not a statement for whether or not God exists. You can't do scientific research on things you can't empirically prove as a cause of observable data. It's not some kind of effing courtesy thing we need because people have different beliefs! Even if everyone on earth agreed that ”God” existed it wouldn't change anything because there has never been a clear definition of ”God” that would make what we define as scientific methods a way to figure out when this thing called ”God” is the cause of something and when it's not!

This is not about putting anyone's beliefs down. This is not exclusive to religion. You also can't study ”love”. There's no agreement about what it is. If people decided to call a process that happens when a certain hormone does certain things in your body ”love”, as I assume some have, then you could say that it's possible. But that doesn't satisfy people, because what they usually think of as love is characterized by experience, and you can only compare experiences so far.

It's the same with psychology. You can't actually study a human mind, a person's consciousness. We don't know what it is and can't point where it is. You can study behaviour, cognition and things like that, assuming they have some common cause. For some reason people just seem less aware of this with psychology and make so much more noise about it in theology. You can't point ”Hey, there the human mind is going, right there on the side walk!”. You can't put it in a jar and do tests on it.

It's the same with God. You can only study the content of religions, people's views on what deity is, historical figures, and things like that. That's what theology is about. It's a vast field of different sciences, including anthropology, psychology, literature, history, philosophy, sociology and so on. What makes it theology is that it focuses on the phenomena under the name of religion.

And that's why it's really irritating when people constantly have to use the university, a class, or even a seminaire for preaching and debade on whose beliefs are right! Sure, you can do it in the caffeteria during breaks, even if it's really loud and disturbing for others, but please, leave it there.




STOP giving your input on how relevant studying theology is for someone based on their religion.

STOP shaming people during class because they have different beliefs than you.

STOP making assumptions about people's every single belief based on their religion.

STOP saying that someone is unfit to do research on a certain subject because of their religion.

If you have personal issues with certain beliefs, and can't present them in a constructive way, without harrasing others, please leave them out of scientific discussion.

End of rant.

Thursday, 15 October 2015

More Stages of Faith


My first year of studying theology, I came across James Fowler's Stages of faith -model in pedagogy class. My initial reaction was ”Wow, this really fits into what I've been thinking too” but that was it back then. I had just started writing a story about two characters whose faith and communication problems could be described very well with Fowler's model but I guess at the time I felt there wasn't really anything new to learn from it, the model just helped me organize my own thoughts better and I was satisfied with that. So I forgot about Fowler for about two years.

As you can probably guess, I found the theory again recently. It's even a bit ironic because apparently I had been using the note sheet about it as a book mark in my Greek grammar book. I hate Greek, but it was a pleasant surprise to re-encounter Fowler when I had to start studying for another Greek exam.

Fowler identified 6 stages that describe the developement of faith in humans. What one believes exactly is irrelevant, the focus is on how. Also, it's not supposed to only apply to ”religious faith” but also to more ”down to earth” kind, any kind, the experience of faith in general. Certain characteristics and crises are associated with each stage and seem to be somewhat supported by other theories about psychological developement. I haven't actually done that much research on this topic yet, but I feel like writing about my understanding of it now because I'm inspired. Heh.

It is possible that I left the theory alone because while I agree that it describes people's developemental processes well, I prefer to use communicational tools that don't so clearly define people by how mature they are or aren't. And since I think (and it seems to be commonly understood) that people don't always go through Fowler's stages the way he has described as common, and people often express characteristics from more than one stage, it is better to treat it as somewhat rough framework. Some people can be analyzed with it better than others. While I can think of people who seem to fit very well into one stage, there are also people who seem like they've skipped some stages altogether or partially fit into all of them. However, I'm not going to evaluate the whole theory based on that right now, I'm mainly interested to use it as a tool to reflect on my fiction. So I will just shamelessly use it where it works. :D


Stage 1: Intuitive-Projective Faith

Fowler describes this mainly as the stage of pre-school children. I understand this to be the stage where all ”faith stories” you hear don't really have a differentiated meaning. It doesn't matter whether parents are telling their children stories from the Bible, from a picture book, or about Santa Claus, they're all taken as more or less ”the same stuff” and fantasy often mixes with reality. Around this age most children also have imaginary friends and can't sometimes remember whether something really happened or if it was a dream, so I think the theory fits well.

Fowler also says that this is the stage where the most basic ideas about possible God, or some other kind of center of faith are usually formed from what the closest adults represent to the child. I think it has very little to do with what they might explicitly teach about their own faith and a lot to do with how their relationship is with the child, how love and trust are present.

Religion is rarely the focus of my fiction but these elements of faith are certainly found in family relationships I write. For example, in my current project there's a character who took an exeedingly long time to realize her parents are not the representatives of ”the absolute truth”. Even though she doesn't believe in any consciously defined form of a deity, her parents definitely were exactly that to her untill she realized there was something she knew was true for her, and nothing her parents said could make it untrue.


2. Mythic-Literal Faith

This would be the stage most children move into around school-age, because they start thinking in a more logical manner; separate fantasy and reality. Fowler also notes that some people remain in this stage through their life. Stage 2 is characterized by focus on the stories that represent faith and those are usually accepted from one's faith community. The stories are understood literally, what matters is what happens in the story, and when some lesson is internalized from it, it comes from what the story explicitly teaches. There isn't much collective understanding of the meaning of those stories. Their importance or truth is not questioned because everyone acknowledges their importance and that gives the person a sense of belonging but it also separates them from people of different faith communities, different customs and traditions. A person in this stage tends to view those people as ”strangers”, somehow fundamentally different from them and their community.

Basically these are the people who are the most strict about the details of their faith and they often experience the later stages of faith in others as lack of faith. This is probably the most mundane example but it comes across well in the discussion of the interpretation of scriptures: The people in stage 2 don't see the literal interpretation as an interpretation at all. They think it is objective and that's why they're often unwilling to give room for any discussion about other interpretations. These people are also possibly the most devoted to the customs of their faith community and they practise their faith in the most concrete manner. The ”practise of faith” often more or less seems to equal faith for them, or at least has a significantly bigger part than it does in other stages.

This doesn't seem to be an uncommon stage to encounter in everyday life, so I obviously have a ton of characters who represent it too, but there's one whose story is particularly characterized by the crisis that will eventually enable her to reach stage 3. In the beginning of the story, her aversion to any expression of ”wrong faith” and the repression of her own ”impure” feelings is so strong she feels nauseated and dizzy whenever she comes into contact with something that would require critical thinking to face. However, coming into close contact with people she first views as strictly ”faithless”, eventually makes her stop covering her ears from other people's experiences bit by bit, because she starts to view these people as important to her. As she matures, she starts to accept that her faith is not something that should alienate her from people she's began to love.




Stage 3: Synthetic-Conventional Faith

This stage is characterized by the need to find some kind of balance between different ”faith groups” that one associates with. It often comes along in adolescence, because the person has become a part of a bigger social cirlce than just their own faith community. The teachings of that community are still more or less taken for granted and not something the people in this stage would examine critically or reflect on deeply, and anything that suggests contradiction in their beliefs is still often seen as a threat, something they should not even look at. However, they become more willing to see what they have in common with others and don't focus on what separates them as much as they used to. To relate to other people's experience better, they may also become inclined to give room to some ”loopholes” in their community's teachings which they previously saw as absolute. This may also be the first time they realize that not everyone inside their community has exactly the same understanding of every belief.

However, stage 3 people also need their social circles to be genarally supportive of their faith community, and if this isn't achived, they're likely to encounter a crisis which makes them completely reject the people who reject their faith. If, however, the teachings of their own faith community are seen as ”cruel” towards the people in one's circles outside their own faith community, the stage 3 people may reject their faith community instead. This kind of crisis may lead to developing to stage 4 but supportive social circles will probably make that growth less extreme and the people in stage 4 probably won't seem as radically opposite to what they were in stage 3.

In Fowler's theory, stage 3 is where most people remain. I suppose I agree, since it's evident that most of my fictional characters are in this stage, at least for the biggest part of their stories. My main characters often grow further though, because I'm a huge fan of growth. One character in my current project seems to illustrate some of the stage 3 behaviour particularly well. He's generally a friend to everyone and will even accept anyone intimately close but he becomes up-tight and passive-aggressive in front of anyone who he feels offends his sense of right and wrong. Sometimes he even expresses noticeable "holier than thou" attitude towards people who behave against his beliefs. He also acknowledges that he has feelings that are considered improper in his faith community and that he sometimes fails and does things that aren't accepted. He's probably uncommonly hard on himself though, when he does something wrong, and keeps very strict rules for his own behaviour, to the point of punishing himself. However, he doesn't feel the need to deny those things and he usually feels no conflict between him and people who do things differently. He doesn't feel the need to push his way on others even though he still thinks he's right and the others are wrong. He's willing to ”let people make their own mistakes” as long as they don't do wrong against him, and as long as he has the freedom to cover his eyes from things he deems "unholy".


Stage 4: Individuative-Reflective Faith

When I read somewhere that people in stage 4 are typically considered less mature in faith by the people in stage 3, a metaphor I wrote in high school in creative writing class came to my mind. It was something along the lines: ”When you're a raw apple in a tree you look down on the ripe apples on the ground but when you fall down yourself, you realize you didn't rise from there”. It seems to apply to these circumstances pretty well. I think it might be the most apparent between these two stages because it's the leap from 3 to 4 where what one beliefs might change the most dramatically. It's no wonder if someone in stage 3 tends to see a stage 4 person as someone who has ”abandoned” their faith, since stage 4 is pretty much characterized by critical thinking and a tendency to look down on the beliefs one used to accept without question. Stage 4 is mostly the faith of adulthood, though it is noted that some people might enter it significantly earlier and some very late in their life.

In this stage people begin to approach the hard questions they have avoided in the previous stages. They reflect critically on beliefs they've taken for granted and "demythologize" them. They often express impatience towards people of earlier stages, who don't have the same standards for examining their beliefs or don't really examine them much at all. I understand this to be the point where people become less stubborn about their beliefs being the right ones, but rather their method to be the right one to determine the beliefs. They can be accepting toward other people's faith and may even start viewing any kind of belief system as right as long as it brings meaning to the believer's life but they're unlikely to support beliefs that aren't critically examined because they see no ”sense” in doing something that isn't deeply understood, or somehow ”consistent” with some principles, like the person's other beliefs.

I have a character who is pretty much an exemplar of this ”stage 4 pride”. His need to grow to stage 5 becomes so great exactly because he becomes too sure of his own judgement over everyone else's and can't understand other people truly from their own viewpoints. It's true most people around him are at ”less mature” stages of faith, there's quite a bunch of 2's and 3's to make him go crazy but as he views his judgement to be superior to some of his closest people who are already at stage 5, he begins to feel completely alone in the world. He is, however, able to contribute a great deal to the self-criticism of people who like to deny their unpleasant feelings and not reflect upon their flaws. He's able to solve many problems because he's such an independend thinker, but once it goes too far he begins to create more problems by solving them and he becomes unable to be critical of himself.

 


Stage 5: Conjunctive Faith

This is sometimes the last stage included in critical examinations of Fowler's theory, because the 6th stage is viewed as too ambiguos. It is mostly the stage of middle to late adulthood, though most people never reach it and some may reach it much earlier. In this stage the elements from all the previous stages seem to come together, and the earlier stages are not seen as opposing anymore. It could be said that the stage 4 skeptic sort of calms down and accepts that they will never have the answer to every question, and that the things people in stage 3 and 2 take for granted are not neccessarily meaningless. They may find new, more abstract and multidimensional meaning in symbolism, religious practice or other things that seemed to lose their value at stage 4. Stage 5 people have also become more certain of their own beliefs. Because they no longer feel the need to question everything, but are not stuck in a box either, they don't feel threatened by truly exploring other belief systems.

In my understanding, this is the stage where ”real” dialogy between people who believe differently first becomes possible. In the earlier stages people are still pretty much stuck in their own viewpoint (they don't realize they think in a box), so discussion is often seen as undesireable in the first place. (They may think they want to discuss but actually they only ”discuss” as long as they agree with the person and when they don't they either cover their ears/refuse to fully try to understand or push their own agenda.) What people in earlier stages lack, is basically the willingness to be uncertain or truly open their mind to ”what if's”: the feeling that understanding other viewpoints doesn't make theirs less valid but enriches it instead. While stage 5 people are actually more grounded in their beliefs than people in earlier stages, they also seem like they are less. That's because they have a more holistic understanding of beliefs and have internalized the ”basics” of them. They see what connects seemingly separate views and they're not blind to their own unconscious processes either. Because of this, people in earlier stages often see stage 5 people's attitude as ”sloppy” and the willingness to give space to alternatives and other people is seen as lack of dicipline or critique.

Stage 5 people may also start feeling ”smaller” than before because they realize the limits of human judgement. Basically, stage 5 people can embrace their inner child again: they're no longer fearful of including unexplained things in their life, and even being wrong/ clouded in one's judgements is not always seen as bad, but an opportunity to grow.

I suppose most of my main characters reach stage 5 at some point in their story and it's usually where I leave them be too, because they're no longer in the midst of those ”us vs. them” and ”me against the world” battles. (I guess stage 3 is the other stage where a person is most likely the feel a similar kind of peace, even though it may be more superficial in some sense, so it's probably the second most common place for me to leave characters.) Sometimes my characters move to stage 5 because they meet someone who they have to admit has more wisdom than them, which makes the stage 4 person ”admit defeat” and start feeling wonder, rather than suspicion about the world again. Some other characters move forward because they end up witnessing the life of 3's and 2's so closely that at some point they start forgetting to question everything and start relating to their experience instead.

The main character in my current project is mostly at stage 5. Because of this she has more patience towards other people's short comings than most, and she cares virtually nothing about who is ”right”. She's basically an embodiment of the ”Live and let live” attitude but her problem is that she begins to like things too simple, and reaches the point where she's trying to become too impartial and tries to hold on to that freedom by never choosing any answer: just experiencing and wondering about things. She reaches the crisis that will ultimately make her develop to stage 6, when she realizes that instead of all the difficult ”right answers” she could choose, there is only one thing that is absolutely wrong to her, one that will both cancel out all other possibilities and embrace them at the same time. When she realizes that, her faith and course of action become unshaken.




Stage 6: Universalizing Faith

According to Fowler, it is very rare to reach this stage of faith: it's basically where doubt dissapears and the person becomes an embodiment of their faith. Everything they have learned from the previous stages no longer demands constant attention or conscious work, they instinctively live their faith true. Their relationship to the ”supreme” or their ”center of faith” is no longer related to any particular circumstances. Instead, they feel one with it, it's always present to them in everything, and they don't have to look for means to connect with it: it simply is. Their experience of faith is no longer self-centered and they live their faith for the service of others in the best way they know.

The demeanor of people in this stage is described as noticeably loving and welcoming of others. They make people in their presence feel important and worthy, because their love and acceptance are unconditional: nothing anyone could say can shaken that acceptance. They basically take anyone's ”sacredness” for granted. There's no ”tabu” to them and there's no matter that is too small or too big for them to discuss and be willing to understand. In their community, they're probably known for their empathy and wisdom.

I have some characters who reach this stage through similar crisis as the character I described earlier and (oddly enough?) some who seem like they where born with this kind of faith. Pretty much all of the examples Fowler gives as representative of stage 6 are famous religious leaders he apparently had never met (because he couldn't find any representatives among people he interviewed) which may be the reason why some people are so skeptical about stage 6 altogether. I think the idea of all the stage 6 people being like Mother Theresa or Jesus himself is misleading, so I'll describe a character of mine who's very low-exposure and unambitious instead: definitely not destined to save her country or fight poverty or go around the world teaching her wisdom to people. (I also don't think that such acts require the person to be at stage 6.) This stage 6 character is a servant girl who lives very quiet and peaceful life, indeed in the service of others. She doesn't seem to have abilities to do much else, one can hardly praise her intellect, physique or even memory. Instead, her power is to inspire trust, love, hope, faith and the like in others by simply being with them. She seems incapable of experiencing desperation or depression, she's unconditionally trustful that life is meaningful and everything will always prove to be in their right place again. She seems endlessly patient and loving because whoever she's talking to, really is the most important person in the universe to her, and so is the next person: anyone's value is simply intrinsic.

This is actually where the reason I got interested in Fowler's theory again becomes relevant: I don't think that stage 6 is the ”pinnacle” of human faith. You might have noticed that the stages seem to move in cycles where ”absolute” and ”relative” approach to faith take turns at being more prominent. 2 is more absolute, 3 more relative, 4 absolute and 5 relative again. Stage 6 is merely the next form of more absolute approach and the people in stage 6 are not free from problems, or incapable of growing further. I think labeling stage 6 faith as "saintly" or the people as "holy" (which I've seen around the internet) is a problem because one should never forget that stage 6 people are every bit as much human beings as the rest.

The next crisis is when the stage 6 faith becomes depersonalizing. It happens when the person takes their willingness to live for others to a too great extend. What they need to realize is that they are not their faith themselves. They need to grow to feel the need to find balance between their connection to the ”supreme” and being a separate individual. Basically, they need to extend the love they give for others, to themselves.

I'm sorry if this seems exclusive, but I'm going to use some very christian language to illustrate my point better. This is just an example and it should be understood analogically. So a person at stage 6 is basically someone who lives for what they believe is the actualization of "the Kingdom of God": they bring it to reality. But the crisis happens when they realize that the only person they have excluded from that "Kingdom of God" is them. When they realize that they are an outsider, that they're someone who brings faith to others but in the end has no part inside it's actualization.

I've found that most sources don't mention any possibility of a crisis that would make people at stage 6 move forward, and that's basically why I propose:


Stage 7: Whatever-you-want-to-call-it Faith

I'm not even trying to claim that this is where the developement of faith would end. I'm simply trying to identify what I think is the next significant change in worldview that is caused by the negative aspects of the previous stage taking over. There could be an infinite number of stages and the ones that Fowler identified could of course be divided into more specific ones, or ”substages” and the like. For now, I will not attempt to take this theory further because I don't think my analysis can extend this ”seventh step” in a meaningful way, at least for now.

Of course, the person in stage 7 would not lose the intrinsic ”oneness” with their faith, or the unconditional love and openness to other people. At this stage the person becomes ”more than their faith”. At stage 6 they might have been the embodiment of their faith for other people but in this stage they are so for themselves as well. Their faith will include more personal approach without losing the universal qualities: they are as much in service of themselves as they are of their faith, and others. They no longer forget that they have the same intrinsic value as everyone else does. They don't experience their own individuality as something implicit anymore, but fully embrace it. Their faith now manifests as an unconditional love for oneself the same way it manifests for others. They are no longer detached from themselves for the sake of their faith, which makes them not only a ”tool” which actualizes the faith, but also one of those who benefit from it.

This is where the stage 6 servant girl is heading in her story. She encounters the crisis when she realizes she's only able to express detached and depersonalized love for other people: She loves everyone the same way. Even if she's able to embrace everyone else's individual qualities and love them for those, her love is never characterized by her own desire to be close to anyone. Eventually she has to admit the hard fact that she has been neglecting herself without having any idea about it. She has to recognize she has feelings that can't be fulfilled by simply living for other people, that she can't neglect herself forever, or she'll become hollow and lose the ability to bring meaning to other people's lives too. Eventually she internalizes an unshaken faith in her personal significance as well as others' and only after that she's able to form truly personal relationships.

This is as far as I can clearly see right now, but that doesn't necessarily mean I don't know any people or have any characters who might have developed further. After all, we do a lot of things intuitively without understanding exactly how, and I don't think it's possible to ever stop finding new viewpoints to my characters, or other people's, or real people for that matter.


To wrap this up, I'd like to say that I think any stage is a good stage to be in. The crisis that will make one develop further, only occurs when the negative aspects of the stage overpower the good ones. So, whether your stage is 2 or 6, or feels more like a blend of many, if you ”own” it, it's all good. You can't develop unless you feel the inner need to, and once you do, it can't be stopped. Nobody ever stops growing completely, and no one is ever ”ready”, so I think it's meaningless to pursue the idea that any stage is truly above another. After all, one wouldn't necessarily think that being a hundred-year-old is ultimately better than being a three-year-old.

I wrote this mostly for my own reflection, but who knows, maybe someone else will find something useful from it too. I might come back to this topic to correct myself once I've read more about it or found a new interesting angle but I guess I've rambled enough for now. :D

Just for feels, you can take a look at how happy these stage 3 and stage 5 persons are together:

Yes, the other one's an owl. Yes he can talk. Yes that's not very original. Don't worry, it's not meant to be.

Have a nice day! :)