Hair

Warning: This might not be interesting.


Let's have a quick look into my hair past:

Age: ?

Age: 11

Age: 14

Age: 17

Age: 19

Age: 21

Age: 22

November 2016

December 2016

...


So, um...

For the first time in my life I'm not blond. I've finally dyed my hair for the first time.

I know this may not seem like such a big deal, but it kind of is for me.


Because the most "radical" thing I've done with my hair before this is like:

Wearing an extension for 3-4 times in high school (but not AT school).

Getting an asymmetrical haircut.

And the most "notable" thing about my hair has probably been how it looks in the morning:

At least my roommate gets a laugh out of it.

So maybe in this light, dyeing my hair so dark seems at least a bit more radical?

The truth is, as a child, I wanted black hair for as long as I can remember. (I know, the grass is always greener...) But, no one around me was supportive of that idea. As a child, I didn't have guts to dye it anyway. I was way too concerned about what other people thought was appropriate.

When I was 12, my mom let me try one black stripe. We dyed it at home, and, of course it turned out purple, not black. (I think my mom knew my hair was too light for that dye, but didn't tell me so I would believe I couldn't dye my hair black...) And then, the next day I went to school my friend actually screamed when she saw me. "What have you done to your beautiful blond hair?!?"

I had just convinced myself that the purple stripe was kind of neat, so that didn't encourage me much. The colour faded away in a week.

Eventually I figured out it wouldn't turn out purple if I went to a hair dresser, so I started asking people what they would say if I dyed my hair black. Basically everyone rejected the idea right away and said I would look like a ghost.

The truth is, they were probably right. I was always the palest person wherever I went, and my noexistent eyebrows and facial features probably wouldn't have helped.

So, after a while I was convinced I could never have black hair and learned to appreaciate what nature had given me THE END.


Well, I didn't really have anything against blond hair in the first place, but I guess I did eventually learn to love it better than I did as a child. And it definitely feels better now that I didn't dye my hair because I hated my natural colour. I dyed it because I just felt like doing it.


Sometime ago, a year-ish, I think, my roommate (who is also naturally blond) and I started talking about dyeing our hair, because we both were kind of fed up with this "good girl" label that people so often put on blond girls. (At least in Finland, where it's a common colour.)

She'd been interested in trying out red hair for some time, and so we started talking about it more. At first it was: "IF I dyed my hair, it would be dark/red. "Then it became: "Someday, I'll dye my hair dark/red." So, then we finally decided we were going to do it. Because when exactly is "someday"?



And...

The thing is, I'm not exactly as pale anymore as I was as a child. I'm still pale, but I no longer look anemic.

And I draw my eyebrows on now, so my face has a lot more expression on it than back then.

I still figured black was too intense, but I came up with a nice compromise. I dyed my hair dark brown, only two shades away from black.

It looks black on me, doesn't it?

So my friend also has now red hair. Very deep burgundy. It looks amazing. Apparently this kind of change is rare enough that we were the event of the day at the salon!

Even the customers came to compliment our new styles.


And no one said I look like a ghost.

Everyone said I look like Snow White.


Happy New Year everyone. I guess this is part of my celebration.

Blog survey for writers: 7. Music

7. Do you listen to music while you write? What kind? Are there any songs you like to relate/apply to your characters?

I don't think I could listen to any songs that have lyrics while I'm writing, and usually I concentrate better when I'm not listening to anything at all, but I have occasionally listened to instrumental music. Only when I'm really deep, like so inside the scene, that anything external will just become a part of it. Then I can listen to instrumental music that fits the mood. And only with really intense scenes. Like a werewolf hunt.

I definitely do associate songs with my (and other people's!) characters all the time everywhere. I don't think I can naturally listen to a song without a viewpoint of a fictional character. Yep. That's how hopeless I am. Of course I can make the songs about something else if I want but I have to make a conscious choice to do that. And why would I do that, when this is just how I get the most out of music? Fictional angles happen naturally. For every song, there's just definitely going to be a fictional character who could sing it, and I don't have to do anything to find them, just listen to music and they will come.

I've even made a game out of this, that I sometimes play with my roommate. It's the best when you find songs that you know are meant to mean something entirely different but all the same it makes complete sense from the point of view of your character. Most words just have a completely different meaning. I'm a very metaphorical person, but for some reason it makes me grin extra wide when something that is supposed to be metaphorical in the song, becomes literal through a character's eyes.

Out of my characters I've only really introduced ”Four Colours” in this blog, so I'll list some songs I associate with them.

The general feel-good song for the whole thing:

Viola songs:

Keller songs:

Sini songs:

Jasmin songs:

Ater:

Alex:

There's some. :D

This is going to be random

Here's a thing:

I should blog more about random things that are on my mind. (Or write my diary I guess?) Because if I don't write them, I'm never going to process them out loud either.

I used to have this dumb notion that I should only blog once I have something important and universal to say. (I had to let go of that thought to even start a blog, otherwise nothing was ever going to be important enough.)

Besides what's the point? Most people who read my blog are my friends anyway.

And the reason I don't blog that much is mostly that I think about what I say too much. (Which doesn't necessarily equal quality.)

But right know the thing is that I'm so busy I'm not going to be able to blog at all if I think too much about what I say. I have possibly the busiest period ever in my school life going on right now.

I think I have to learn to get my thoughts out without being too critical about them. I mean, it should be okay if it doesn't always make sense. It's better to say something incoherent and reflect, and learn from it, than not say anything at all because every thought has to be "finished".

There are definitely a few things that keep coming back to haunt my mind even during these busy days, because I haven't really chewed on them by writing about them. That's how you can always see things in a new light afterall!

Good blogs are probably the ones that can get something general and relatable out of personal experiences, but right now I think I wouldn't mind not having that kind of standards for this blog. (I can try to do that with my typology blog if I want.) And even personal ramblings can be relatable, and I think they have their own value.

I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this post, which feels oddly refreshing already. :D

I feel like overviewing some of the things I have in my mind but never put anywhere.


1. Books and other fiction in general

Have some bad cosplay I'm doing of my own character reading here!

I haven't had time to write proper reviews! And it makes me restless when I don't. I feel like there's a stack of books and series just waiting and waiting and getting heavier in the back of my head because I haven't gone through my love or hate or indifference for them, in a really satisfying way. I need to break them into pieces to let them settle to their rightful place in my mind.





2. My summer jobs

I had two this summer, and I definitely haven't gone through such a multifaceted work experience like... ever? At least not in a period of two months! I did talk about a couple of things that happened there with some friends, but my life has been so busy, I feel like I haven't really been able to digest it all. It's weird, because I kind of went through the highest highs and the lowest lows in my personality during these months... and they're all things I knew about myself but these jobs made me reinforce my understanding of them. I guess many of my problems and strenghts haven't been so... in my face? Not for some time. There's still stuff to think about there. (And it would be good now that I'm about to start an internship.)


3. The big career choice questions

Am I too liberal to work in a parish? Is the fact that I can talk about the matters of faith in "lutheran language", enough to actually call myself lutheran, when I could also talk about them in pretty much any "religious language" (and non-religious as well), and I only feel most at home with the lutheran one, because it's one of the "loosest languages"? Is the fact that I could definitely be understood as an atheist, a monotheist and a pantheist, or pretty much anything else, simultaneously, depending on your understanding and use of the terms, too impractical for a priest? I'm very content in my worldview but am I content in this environment? Is this the right place to do what I want to do, to help people? I guess this school year, and the internship, will answer that question. I hope.

4. Typing

I've said this before, and this relates to my other blog, but I need to start writing my fictional character typings. It's no good to just analyze them in my head, and since I'm going to do that anyway I should at least start getting some of them out of there. To stop thinking I need to be able write my reasoning perfectly. The whole thing about typing characters is to learn more about the theory. To make the understanding of it more accurate and articulate.


5. Kuroko no basket

Yeah, really. I didn't want to admit it, but this series has had more impact on me than any other since Harry freaking Potter. And the reason I didn't want to admit it, is because it hits a little too close to home. I've never related to a fictional character as much. (For the record: No, it has nothing to do with basketball. It has to do with... everything else. Everything that can be applied elsewhere, if that makes sense.) The thing is, until now I don't think I've ever been so aware if I relate to a character or not, because it never seemed relevant to me. It's not my comfort area to know that. I like to empathize with characters, not sympathize. I don't generally like the feeling that I'm seeing myself in there. So I have a love-hate relationship with this series. Something brings back painful memories? Easy, right: Don't watch/read it. But when I think that, I realize it's also surprisingly satisfying to feel understood. So... apparently there's still a dilemma there I need to work on.

It really was something like this at first.

6. Daily thoughts

I often find myself thinking there's some general phenomenon I'd like to write about when stuff happens during the day that relates to something like that, but then I never write about it. I forget, or there's too much going on, or I, AGAIN, feel like the thought isn't finished enough. My little inner perfectionist needs a kick or something.


7. HSP

I read Elaine Aron's book on the Highly Sensitive Person and related immensely, but, again, I feel like I haven't really had time to process this subject either (other than crying every other page and recommending it to other sensitive people). I have to have time to analyze this whole thing to pieces so I can really benefit from it.



Okay... this was really random. And really personal. I'm not saying I will blog about any of these things, but I do promise myself to write all my thoughts about them out in my diary at least.

Maybe it's not so bad to write something so personal though. Because I would really like to read things on similar level from other people's blogs!

30 Day Challenge: What's in your bag?

Huh. I picked a challenge with this question in it? I've always found it so boring. :D


Oh well. Let's get this over with. Here's my bag. (The one I use the most, anyway.)

And there's nothing extraordinary in there:

• a book

Obviously, I carry what I'm reading everywhere.

• a notebook/sketch book

 Usually a skecth book, actually. Not this.

• a pencil case

 With the school badges from my Japan exchange.

• tissues

• a wallet

• an umbrella

• keys

• "reading gloves"

Your palms get red marks from reading too heavy books for too long. These help.



Wow what an idle post.


My school bag and ballet bag are different stories of course. (Then again, not so much.)

30 Day Challenge: 5 current goals

Okay, let's get the obvious one out of the way first:

1. To get a book published

Of course I'd prefer it to happen rather sooner than later. But I also try to be down to earth about it. It's more important that I write what's important to me, and spend as much time writing and editing it as I feel I need. I don't want to rush because I might just be at my biggest growth spurt as a writer right now. There's a dramatic difference in skill with the beginning and ending of the last novel I completed. It's like they were written by a different person, or at least years apart, not months. I know my stuff isn't ready yet, but I'm getting so much better all the time, so I hope that soon something is ready, that I am ready.

At the moment I'm writing for a contemporary YA novel competition (not my usual thing) and I only have three months to complete the novel that is still in the beginning, since my summer job has kept me so busy, so I guess that's a goal in itself, but let it be inside this bigger goal, since its just one way I'm trying to achieve this.

After that, I have my fantasy series to complete, which is still probably going to take me more than a couple of years, since it was only half way through and then I started writing the first book all the way from the beginning again...

2. To improve my drawing/Strenghten my style

I've only recently realized how much I've been trying to draw ”by the book” all these years. How much I've been trying to do the same as those who are actually good at it. But it has struck me: Why would I try to draw like people who don't draw for the same reasons or aren't about expressing the same things I want to express? I'm bad with anatomy. So what? I don't even want to draw realistically, so that shouldn't be my main concern. I'm good with faces, expressions, colours and contrast. And those are enough to express what I actually want to: feelings and atmosphere. It doesn't mean I don't need to get better at anatomy. It just means I should approach it in favour of the things that are more important to me, on their terms, to strengthen them.

I don't want to draw a mountain so that you can see in detail exactly what this particular mountain looks like. I want to draw so that I can make you believe there is a mountain there, and that it's there for a reason.

Not so good, no.

That's going in the right direction.

3. To improve my flexibility

This is probably my weakest area in ballet. Well, not in every single place, it seems my sides are more flexible than average and my attitudes and arabesques aren't half bad, so I guess my back isn't that stiff either. But I can't do a spagat, and I've never been able to lift my leg all the way up along my side with my hand on my heel. I guess I haven't really had to worry about it enough before, in class it's been enough to just do everything to the extend you can. But in our last performance we did can-can and we were supposed to end it in a spagat. There was only one other person besides me, who had to cheat, hiding the other leg under the big can-can skirt, since we couldn't get it straight.

This was the can-can skirt.

So, I'm trying to make it a habit to stretch my legs everytime I'm reading or watching something. So far, it's really hard. I might have to ask for someone's advice... so far I've only heard ”Just stretch untill it stops hurting” but the problems is, it doesn't. It just gets more painful. Either I'm doing something wrong, or the problem is that I've only been asking people who are naturally flexible.

My heels are my true achilles' heels, as well. (Heh heh, not so funny... I'm sorry, I couldn't help that.) They're just naturally stiffer than those of most non-dancers I know. Yeah... sad. I'm always worried that someday, they'll just snap. I'm trying to do something about them as well, since it makes me cheat in pirouettes, which is a shame, since otherwise, those are basically my only strong suit.

4. To finally start typing fictional characters on my personality blog

I type all the time. If I haven't typed someone I've read/watched it's because a) They're really hard for me to type and it's an on-going process or b) they aren't realistic enough to type which probably also means they weren't very interesting as a character.

But for some reason when it comes to actually writing about those typings, I keep putting it off. I guess I want to be exactly 112% sure of their MBTI, enneagram tritype, wing, and instinctual variants before writing anything.

But I want to do this because 1) It's just so interesting, plain and simple. 2) It's a good field for discussion, since when you're talking about real people, you can only really do it with someone who knows the person as well as you. Fictional characters can have so wide audiences. Sure, you can discuss celebrities too, but 3) you can get the thought processes of a character from the fictional work way easier than you can get real people's thought processes, and that's why, when it comes to the theory, I find fictional characters a better learning tool than real people. (Of course, I always recommend watching real people for practical learning, but the theory is just as important and the fictional characters are ideal for that.)

5. Finish my degree work

Yeah, the most boring goal. Okay, it's not like I'm not interested in my subject, of course I chose something that overlaps with literature, so I have an excuse to read more fiction: The images of God in self-published Christian fiction. That's my subject. I've read my material and I know approximately what's going to be in every chapter, and I think I've found some interesting spectrums and dichotomies in the way the concept of God is formed and used in these stories.

But you know, writing fiction and blogging about personality theories is just so much more interesting than actually doing the work: the academic writing. (Sorry I'm going to go Jungian here:) It's. So. Extraverted Thinking. It's always the same thing for me as an Ni-Ti looper: I don't actually do the work the way I have to present it. The Te part of the work is the last part I do. I fake it every single time, I've done that since middle school porfolios, since you're expected to reach your conclusion in a certain step by step manner. But I can't do that. I get to the conclusions first, I come to them in a complicated web of relationships of cause and effect, and then I have to go back and figure out how exactly I would've have gotten there, if I was using Te. And it's tedious.

But, my goal is to be done by Christmas. Unlike fiction, I write school papers the best in the morning, when I've specifically woken up to do them. So I'll have to welcome early mornings once summer's done.

This is the book that made me want to research Christian fiction. Check it out!

So, that's my five. Hope I didn't forget something important. I'm tired.

Blog survey for writers: 6. Where, when and with what

6. Where are you most comfortable writing? At what time of day? Computer or good ol' pen and paper?

Short answer: In my room, at night, on my laptop.

Long answer: I don't think my comfortableness has anything specific to do with my room, I just need a place where I can focus. And it's not usually a place with other people there, because they would get my attention way too much. Sometimes, when I'm already in a great flow I can block out pretty much any sensory information and write anywhere but not on an average day. People are far too interesting.

Specifically, I usually write on my bed rather than the desk.

Sometimes I do get fed up with my room though, and that's when I go to the library. I can usually find a quiet enough corner there and when I'm not in the writing mood exactly, going somewhere specifically to write, helps me get over the difficulties.

One of my favourite spots.

I write any time of the day I can, but it's true most of my writing and the best of my writing has probably always been done at night. That's when I usually feel my best in general. My natural waking hours seem to be something like from 12 am to 3 am, whenever I don't have school. Morning is probably the least likely time for me to write, but I remember a few times I've miraculously gotten up early and started writing, and then it's been great. But it's really rare. When I don't have school and I get immersed in writing I write pretty much all the time, barely eat or sleep, untill I'm done with what I want to finish (but that usually lasts max three days).

I write on a computer because it's easier to edit on it. It took me a lot of time to get used to it, though. I prefered pen and a notebook untill my first year of high school when I decided I couldn't keep it that way forever. Now I'm fully in tune with the computer.

Blog survey for writers: 5. Youngest and oldest characters

5. By age, who is your youngest character? Oldest? How about ”youngest” and ”oldest” in terms of when you created them?

I have a few characters I've written about before they were born so one of them has to be the youngest but I'm not sure how to decide that. So, meet one of them, Lila.

She's the one on the left. I don't want to say much about her since I have high hopes she'll end up between covers some day. But let's just say she's a strong mage with peculiar magic and a spicy personality.

The oldest one is just as hard to know, since I have a few characters who've lived multiple lives (and there could be more of them than just the ones they remember).

If I count together the known lives, then my oldest character is Deimos from Four Colours, I guess. I don't know his age precisely but it's somewhere between 450-530 years.

 
 

If I'm only allowed to count the age achived during one life then the oldest is Nene, a half giant I wrote a short story about. She's 423 by the end of the story.

My newest character then, would be Ia. I know next to nothing about her, except that she's the neighbour of my newest protagonist Jaro, and I have a vague idea about her role in the story but I haven't actually even mentioned her in it yet. I think she'll show me more soon, though.

And it's impossible to know who was actually my first character, so I'll go with the oldest that I still write about. And, they're actually all the Four Colours, since they were created at the same time.