Different types of selflessness

I guess this was triggered by a conversation I had online recently.

There are different ways to be selfless and there are different ways to be selfish. Sounds pretty obvious, I know. But, as people generally like to do with other things too, sometimes some of them get really caught up in whose way is the right way.

Particularly, right now I'm thinking about people who think the only true way of serving the world around you is to be an activist of some sort. To help the people who are the most in need, to go to the places where things are the hardest.

People generally agree that being helpful or selfless is a good thing. But there are also people who think that the only true way, or at least, the highest level of doing that, is what I described above.

And sometimes people can be really quick to judge other people's lives by this standard, without having ever met them, or knowing much about them at all.

A character who would agree with me. Her name is Venna.

Often this starts with someone either describing their "cause" to me, or asking what mine is when they assume I have one. And then I will describe the way I live my life and some of the philosophies behind it. How I don't have a singular "cause" that my life is centered around. How I care about many humanitarian and environmental issues, and do my best to live my day to day life in alignment with that. How my sister describes me to be "thinking globally and acting locally". How I'm more concerned with what is happening in my immediate surroundings, and being of help to the people who are the closest to me, or reach out to me. How I have no drive to go somewhere else or lead a campaign, and how my personality wouldn't be suited for it. How I think that I personally feel I've accomplished the most, when I've touched an individual life, when someone tells me that the way I live my life has inspired them.

This is usually when they start "disagreeing" with me, though I'm only describing my personal ways. They don't want to see us as equals with different life styles. They see me as "going in the right direction but not being quite there yet". As if my life style is merely a stepping stone to their life style, which is the ultimate goal.

I really don't like this kind of condescending attitude, but I will go on to explain to them how I don't think there's only one way to help the world around you. How some people are more suited to take on leadership roles, how some are more suited to be an activist, and how some are more suited to take care of what's right in front of them. It all comes down to personality and motivation. How I also don't think that helping the one most in need is what everyone should always be focused on. Of course it has to work that way in things like health care, you have to prioritize patients to keep everyone alive if possible. But I don't think that my neighbour's heartbreak is irrelevant because of "the children in Africa". (Quotations because the people who use that phrase usually don't even consider what it really means, they just like to say it for argument's sake.)

Of course I agree that wealth and resources are divided anything but evenly in the world and respect the people who are trying to do something about it in larger scale. However, I also don't agree that everyone should be focused on that, because if I was helping the "children in Africa" then who would be listening to my neighbour's heartbreak? Just because she isn't dying at the moment, doesn't mean that I can't be concerned about her, or that helping her is lesser.

At this point it's usually evident that these people think I'm childish or small minded. They are so adamant that their way is the only right way.

But how did they come to the conclusion that their "cause" is the most urgent one, anyway? The one that the world needs the most? Usually they don't have a clear reasoning for it. Because it's way more complex than that. They aren't doing what they do because it's "right", like they seem to think. They're doing it, because they have a personal motivation, and a drive for it.

And if I don't have a drive for it, then what good would I be for them?

Yeah, I know, they think they can awaken this drive in me, because they think it's the only way to go about life. For some reason it seems like they have to believe that what they're doing is the ultimate good, and no one else is good enough unless they're doing the same thing with their lives.

But it's not like that. Because no one knows what's the ultimate best thing for the world, and everyone has different drives and motivations. These people are not, for example, trying to make the world vegan because it's a higher calling. They're doing it, because they have the drive and the personality for it. And they shouldn't think that anyone who simply is vegan is below them, or ultimately going to become like them someday.

Trying to make big changes in the world isn't the only way to make change, and the big changes will only last if individual people will live it true in their daily lives. And this isn't a one-way process, it's more of a circle. There are different ways to help people and that should be good! I'm glad that some people are fit to lead campaigns. Just like I'm glad that some people are fit to help their neighbours and friends in their day to day problems and sorrows, like me.

And though these ways seem opposite, neither is more selfish or selfless than the other. The one that is sacrificing all their time to a cause, can be extremely selfish in the eyes of that neighbour, who only asked for a little bit of their time, for a few kind words, but they only ever have time for "the world". Just like from the eyes of the activist, the person going around helping neighbours is selfish because "they could be doing so much more with their time".

But the world just wouldn't work if everyone was the same, right? Like, there has to be people who are able to ignore people's immediate feelings around them, and focus on practical things instead. Just like there has to be people who are willing to "waste" time, and listen to personal problems. Because even if there is enough food and water for everyone, it won't matter if people are so lonely and depressed, that they're not going to want to live. The same is true the other way around too of course. Words of kindness and a listening ear alone isn't going to pay the rent.

All I'm really saying is that people have a lot of different needs, and the environment has a lot of different needs too. And I wish that people would be happy that there are different kinds of people to cater to all those different needs! It shouldn't be about who is more selfless or who is doing the most good in the world. This shouldn't be an ego issue.

And what people should realize is an ego issue, is which things in the world you're determined to make better. Just because you have a personal instead of an "absolute, unquestionable, divine" reason to do what you do, doesn't make it insignificant. Instead, after realizing that, you can help people better, because you understand what it is you're getting from it.

Sometimes I just want to tell people "Relax, you're fine, you don't have to be perfect" but I know it wouldn't help them, it would just rub them in SUCH a wrong way.

If I don't stop now this is going to get out of hand, so I'll just conclude this with a rose I drew with my left hand, and another that I drew with my right foot. Because why not.