I got this shirt with aromantic colours after me and my girlfriend started dating. She got one with bisexual colours.
And sometimes I'm surprised at how much people make me feel like I should be wearing this every day. (Not sure if it would help but anyway.)
I've lost count with how many times I've had to explain my orientation or my relationship to people just during the past week. And this is not counting people who just assume I'm a lesbian. It's people who know I'm an aromantic asexual. Sometimes it's just baffling to me how difficult it seems for some to wrap their head around the idea that people's orientation isn't determined by their actions.
Having a girlfriend doesn't suddenly change my identity, but so many people still seem to be under the impression that an aromantic couldn't date anyone. Even though that may be true for some, it's not always the case. People can still enjoy aspects of romantic relationships even though they don't feel romantic attraction. Just like aces can have sex for other reasons besides sexual attraction. (One of my friends even assumed that I was bisexual now that I have a girlfriend. Why bi??)
To be fair though, the people whom I've discussed my feelings in more detail with, have more reason to question the label I use. Because I've grown into the idea of romance between me and my girlfriend so slowly and gradually that I feel like I can no longer say I don't feel romantic feelings for her. So, I suppose with those people it's reasonable to ask why I keep calling myself aromantic if I can feel romantic feelings.
Well, here's why:
1) I've never felt romantic feelings for anyone before in my life and don't expect to feel them again if I ever break up with my girlfriend. 2) It took me 7-8 years of knowing her and being her best friend, and four years of living together in very close proximity to develop those feelings.
So, yeah, I suppose I could technically call myself demiromantic, but it wouldn't make any sense, because if I called myself that, people would assume, that after some time of knowing me and getting close to me, they would be included among the people who I might possibly develop romantic feelings for. And this would be untrue. There is no such group of people for me.
Because how often does it normally happen that you just naturally know someone for a very long time and move in together and live together for years without even having the slightest idea of the possibility that you might fall in love? For me to fall in love again, I'm sure it could only be possible under very similar circumstances. And those circumstances are really very, very rare. So, maybe I could technically be demiromantic, but in that case, I would be very very very very very demiromantic. So demiromantic, that it wouldn't even matter in practice.
I guess I could also call myself grey-aromantic, which would imply that I only feel romantic attraction under very specific circumstances or very rarely. I guess that's technically true as well, but it's not any more practical, because people would take it to mean that there's some "wiggle room" with my aromanticism. And there isn't. When it comes to everyone else but my girlfriend there is none. Calling myself aromantic will give people a lot more accurate sense of the reality.
Also, one of the definitions of aromanticism, and probably the most popular one, is that you don't feel romantic attraction AND/OR romantic desire. Attraction means that you want to have a romantic relationship with a specific person, and even if I feel that towards my girlfriend, I still don't feel romantic desire: the need to have a romantic relationship in general. I've never felt that, and I have no reason to believe I would suddenly start craving for romantic relationships if I broke up with my girlfriend.
Finally, there are a lot of stories online, if one wants to look for them, about people who had experiences outside of what one would expect according to their orientation. Like a straight guy who fell in love with another guy, his best friend, but he also didn't feel like this made him bisexual. Because he felt that it was a once in a life time experience, it didn't suddenly make him think other guys were hot too, and because he expected to only ever pay attention to girls again, if he ever broke up with his boyfriend. There are also stories about a gay man similarly falling in love with a woman, or a straight girl falling in love with a girl or a gay girl with a guy, just once in their life. And these people don't have to start calling themselves bisexual, because it wouldn't make any sense for them or be of any use in their life.
By the same logic, I'm still an aromantic asexual.
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